Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
An autism diagnosis can be an intense experience for the person receiving it and for their parents, partner, siblings and other family members or carers supporting them. People report a wide range of emotions, which often change over time. Learning about autism and accessing peer and emotional support can help you navigate this time.
Common reactions to a family member’s diagnosis
An autism diagnosis can be an intense emotional experience, both for the person receiving it and for parents, partners, siblings and other family members or carers supporting them. (You can read more about the experiences of autistic people on our page, How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis.)
Family members can experience a wide variety of emotions and reactions, which can range from happiness and relief to confusion, disbelief, worry and fear. It is common to feel conflicting emotions, such as happiness at having an answer and worry about the stigma autistic people can face in society.
Many parents report positive reactions such as happiness and relief following their child’s diagnosis. Often parents wait many years for an assessment, which means receiving a diagnosis can bring a sense of relief. Prior to a diagnosis, their child may have been struggling for a long time without the understanding and support they need; with a diagnosis comes an opportunity for their child’s needs to be recognised, to face less judgment and the potential to access improved support.
Lived experience sources suggest that negative reactions such as being scared or overwhelmed often stem from a lack of knowledge about autism and fear of the unknown, as well as concern for the autistic person’s future and how they will access the support they need throughout their life. An understanding of autism based on outdated stereotypes, misinformation and stigma can also cause people to have a strongly negative reaction.
Parents frequently ask us whether it is normal for them to feel guilty or to blame, for example that they ‘should have known sooner’, especially when a child receives their diagnosis at a later age and did not access support sooner. While this feeling is common, it is important to note that the signs of autism are not always apparent at a young age, which alongside long waiting times for assessment can cause a delay in receiving a diagnosis, along with the support it can bring. It isn’t a case of ‘fault’ or 'blame’.
Evidence shows that parents who have a negative initial reaction to their child’s diagnosis often find that this changes over time, becoming more positive as they learn more about autism and their child’s individual strengths and needs, and access formal and peer support for their child and themselves.
'Diagnosis isn’t anything to fear, it’s a key that helps you understand and access support. It doesn’t define your child it just enables them to be free to be exactly who they are.'
– Miriam, Six years on: how has having a diagnosis of autism helped?
Evidence about the experiences of family members comes mainly from blogs written by parents of autistic children. More evidence is needed to understand the experiences of other family members, such as siblings of autistic people and the partners and children of autistic adults.
Support for family members
Formal support is available to autistic people and their families based on an assessment of their needs in areas such as social care, welfare benefits, education and employment. For more information about this, visit our page on Formal support following a diagnosis. In addition to this, it can be helpful to learn more about autism and access informal emotional and peer support. Examples of this include:
- accessing training courses for parents and carers about autism
- learning more about autism, from sources including:
- books, blogs and videos created by autistic people and family members about their lived experience
- watching documentaries and reading articles about autism
- attending autism conferences
- accessing information and support from autism charities
- accessing online or local, in-person community forums and spaces.
Be aware that not all information and media about autism is reliable and evidence based. You should be particularly wary of any source that talks about how to ‘cure’ or ‘treat’ autism, which is not possible and so the source is likely to be unreliable. Read more about this issue on our Strategies and interventions page.
Accessing social and support groups can help to validate your experiences (by meeting others who have experienced the same or similar things), reduce stigma, improve emotional wellbeing and enable discussion about strategies to improve your autistic family member’s wellbeing and family relationships.
There are social and support groups for parents and carers, and for siblings and/or young carers, available in local areas and online. The availability of local support groups and social groups will vary depending on your location, but you can also access online forums and community spaces and helplines, including those hosted and moderated by charities, for example:
- our Online Community has a specific forum where parents and carers can discuss their experiences, ask questions and support one another
- our Parent-to-Parent Emotional Support Helpline provides emotional support to parents and carers regarding their autistic children, including adult children
- Ambitious about Autism run an Online community for parents and carers
- Autism Central run a peer education programme for parents of autistic children and young people, organised by location
The National Autistic Society has a network of volunteer-led branches that provide support, information and social activities for autistic adults and children and their families in their local area. Search for your nearest Branch here. You can also find local support services and social groups in your local area using our Autism Services Directory.
"So when, after four years of limbo, we finally got an autism diagnosis for our son, I couldn’t have been happier. Now I could understand why he behaved the way he did and I could actually do some research, learn about the condition and connect with others in similar circumstances. By learning about autism, I could find out what triggered certain behaviours and help to keep my son as happy and calm as possible."
– Louise, How do you feel when your child gets an autism diagnosis?
"Receiving our son’s autism diagnosis was a life-changing moment. Whilst it provided us with an explanation for why he had been struggling socially and developmentally, it also installed panic, confusion and uncertainty for the road ahead. For some, receiving that important diagnosis can unlock access to the right support but ... it can be even harder for autistic people in the black and minority ethnic community to get the support they need."
– Pam Aculey, What does autism look like? Raising a mixed race autistic son
"If your child was just diagnosed, I want to say this first. Take a deep breath. I know it can be scary. I know it can be overwhelming. I know the doctor probably filled your head with a million scary things about what your child will or won’t be able to do. So let me just tell you, no one knows what your child’s future holds. Not the doctors, not the specialists, no one. Autism isn’t a big scary monster, and I promise it will be okay!"
– Kaylene, Five important steps to take after your child’s autism diagnosis
"There is no correct way to react to your child receiving an autism diagnosis. For some parents it can be a shock, others are worried, some are relieved. It's normal to wonder why or how a child is autistic. ... You could feel anger, guilt or even vindicated depending on your journey to this point. ... Looking back what would I tell myself? ... Seek information and support ... You can often find autism parent groups in your area who regularly meet to discuss the issues that they face."
– Ann, What would I go back and tell myself when my kids received an autism diagnosis
"I’ve heard people say that when they had a diagnosis for their child, they went through some sort of grieving process over the life that their child will never have. Personally I don’t feel this way. Autism isn’t a death sentence. An autistic person just has a different way of processing and viewing the world. ... Your child is still your child. Information is power. Use the diagnosis as a stepping stone to learn more about autism and connect with others. Most importantly, use the things you learn to create a happy environment for your child where they can feel safe and grow as a person."
– Louise, How do you feel when your child gets an autism diagnosis?
"There is so much bad autism information out there, especially the hawking of sciencey-sounding ‘cures’ (there’s no such thing) or ‘recovery’ (ditto). But there’s so much good information, too! And the more informed you become, the more your perspectives on and understanding of autism and parenting will change — ideally for the better."
– Shannon Des Roches Rosa, After an autism diagnosis: 13 necessary next steps for parents
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- Autism Services Directory: for services and support
- Branches: offering support, information and social activities for autistic adults, children and their families in their local areas
- Community: our online community is a place for autistic people and their families to meet like-minded people and share their experiences
- Lorna Wing Centre: offers a range of specialist diagnostic and assessment services for children, young people and adults
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- NHS Where to get autism support
- Scottish Autism – online resources, and services in Scotland
- Scottish Autism – web resources, and services in Scotland
- Autism NI – web resources, and services in Northern Ireland
- Autism West Midlands – online resources, and services in the West Midlands
- SWAN for autistic women, girls and non-binary people in Scotland
- Autistic Girls Network for autistic girls and non-binary young people
- Autistic Parents UK – online and local peer support for autistic parents
- Neuroclastic – a website run by autistic people with articles and information about autism mostly written by autistic people
- Ambitious about Autism – a charity focusing on the experiences of autistic children and young people
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Title: Autistic people should be able to diagnose THEMSELVES in some cases because 'you don't need a doctor to tell you who are you', top expert says
Source: The Daily Mail
Lived experience
Author: Happy Lady (Vera)
Title: Friends and family, I’m autistic!
Source: Ambitious about AutismAuthor: Geoffrey and Lucy
Title: Twists, reliefs, and rewards: understanding your autism diagnosis
Source: Ambitious about AutismAuthor: Bella
Title: My autism diagnosis: The long journey to acceptance
Source: Ambitious about AutismAuthor: Saffron Baldoza
Title: How to explain autism to friends and family
Source: Ambitious about AutismAuthor: Georgia
Title: My advice on explaining your autistic needs
Source: Ambitious about AutismAuthor: Yo Samdy Sam
Title: Life after autism diagnosis – what next?
Source: NeuroclasticAuthor: Andi Barclay
Title: Newly Diagnosed ASD Shame: I’m Not Really Autistic, Right?
Source: NeuroclasticAuthor: Andi Barclay
Title: Recently Diagnosed as Autistic and Realizing My Own Prejudice
Source: NeuroclasticAuthor: Emmanuel
Title: My Late Autism Diagnosis: I Was Angry
Source: NeuroclasticAuthor: Emmanuel
Title: 5 observations on my late diagnosis
Source: NeuroclasticAuthor: Jo Bloggs
Title: Reactions to Late Autism Diagnosis
Source: NeuroclasticAuthor: Leonardo Yeates
Title: Isolation & Self-Help After an Autism Diagnosis
Source: NeuroclasticAuthor: Cynthia Kim
Title: ADULT ASD: MOVING FORWARD AFTER DIAGNOSIS
Source: Musings of an AspieAuthor: Cynthia Kim
Title: ADULT ASD: DISCLOSURE
Source: Musings of an AspieAuthor: Shannon Des Roches Rosa
Title: AFTER AN AUTISM DIAGNOSIS: 13 NECESSARY NEXT STEPS FOR PARENTS
Source: Thinking Person’s Guide to AutismAuthor: Andrea Michael
Title: Imposter Syndrome and my late autism spectrum diagnosis
Source: Thinking Person’s Guide to AutismAuthor: Ariane Zurcher
Title: What I Wish I’d Been Made Aware of When My Daughter Was Diagnosed With Autism
Source: Thinking Person’s Guide to AutismAuthor: Helen Needham
Title: How my autism diagnosis helped me to open up
Source: Me DecodedAuthor: Steve Slavin
Title: The new autistic adults – how a diagnosis saved his life
Source: Adults with AutismAuthor: Steve Slavin
Title: Why I No Longer Tell People I’m Autistic
Source: Adults with AutismAuthor: Debra Brisch
Title: Autism diagnosis aftermath
Source: Old Lady with AutismAuthor: Debra Brisch
Title: After Adult diagnosis
Source: Old Lady with AutismAuthor: Debra Brisch
Title: Autism Diagnosis can be life changing
Source: Old Lady with AutismAuthor: Pam Aculey
Title: What does autism look like?- Raising a Mixed Race Autistic Son
Source: The Black CurriculumAuthor: Aisja Mahmood
Title: How an autism diagnosis helped me find my individuality within South Asian culture
Source: Gal DemAuthor: Louise
Title: How Do You Feel When Your Child Gets an Autism Diagnosis?
Source: My Autistic ChildAuthor: Kyle Eldridge
Title: Why my autism diagnosis was just one step on my journey
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Title: Autism and me, the diagnosis
Source: Outdoor PrescriptionAuthor: Kaylene George
Title: What I Wish the Doctors Told You at Your Child’s Diagnosis
Source: Autistic MamaAuthor: Kaylene George
Title: No One Knows Your Autistic Child’s Future
Source: Autistic MamaAuthor: Kaylene George
Title: 5 Powerful Autism Secrets They Don’t Tell You at Diagnosis
Source: Autistic MamaAuthor: Kaylene George
Title: 5 Steps to Take When Embracing Autism is Hard
Source: Autistic MamaAuthor: Kaylene George
Title: 5 Important Steps to Take After Your Child’s Autism Diagnosis
Source: Autistic MamaAuthor: Ann Hickman
Title: What would I go back and tell myself when my kids received an autism diagnosis
Source: Rainbows are too beautifulAuthor: Miriam Gwynne
Title: Six Years On: How Has Having A Diagnosis Of Autism Helped?
Source: Faith MummyAuthor: Miriam Gwynne
Title: They never told me THAT at diagnosis!
Source: Faith MummyAuthor: Danielle
Title: An Adult Autism Diagnosis at 37
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Title: Diagnosis Doubt
Source: YouTube
Author: Purple Ella
Title: Four Things After A Late Autism Diagnosis
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Yo Samdy Sam
Title: Getting an adult autism diagnosis – is it worth it?
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Orion Kelly
Title: Impact of Late Autism Diagnosis on Your Mental Health #autism #asd
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Olivia Hops
Title: Getting an Adult Autism Diagnosis | AUTISM IN GIRLS
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Pooky Knightsmith
Title: Adult Autism: what's it like to get a late diagnosis? My story
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Paul Micallef (Autism from the Inside)
Title: Late Autism Diagnosis: Re-Evaluating Your Life and Re-Discovering Yourself!
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Toni Morales
Title: Why I’m Proud to be Autistic: Finding the Beauty in Divergence
Source: Artfully Autistic on MediumAuthor: Amy Richards
Title: It’s official. I have Asperger’s
Source: Square PegAuthor: Helen Olivier
Title: The Day I Was Diagnosed Brought a Surprising Realisation
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Autism Services Directory
The UK’s most comprehensive directory of services and support for autistic people, their families, and the people who work with them.